Slumdog Million-doll-hair.

With the Oscars quickly approaching, I would like to say a word or two about one of the, dare I say, less deserving films of 2008 Slumdog Millionaire.

To start, the plot was as uneventful as any other episode of who wants to be a millionaire except because of the poor progression of action, I pretty much assumed he was going to win the money and get the girl in the end. This is an all to common conclusion in American film but it is celebrated here simply because we haven't seen a good movie out of India since, well ever. So, he gets the girl, wins the money, and the film wraps up quite nicely but I was left wondering when the interesting parts were going to occur. Then it finally happened, the credits rolled and the best part of the movie was just beginning, a ridiculous Indian dance that makes the entire film all the more laughable.

Why is this film up for best picture? It is culturally diverse, it has good looking actors, and the happy ending makes all the girls love it. (the comment previously left here has been re-thought and thus removed at the request of my fans).

Don't get me wrong, this movie isn't horrible, it is just sad to see a mediocre film up for best picture, especially when great films like 'Wall-E' were pushed aside to make room.

This movie is not by any means good, it is just ordinary. It has been pushed into the Academy Awards by people who know nothing about film other than the fact that it makes them happy when everything is wrapped up with a little bow on top. This movie hasn't done anything monumental or changed film making in any way. If I had to say one positive thing about Slumdog Millionaire it would have to be... hmmm. Ok lets try that again. If I had to say nothing about Slumdog Millionaire I would.

With all of that said, I would like to take this opportunity to offer a much better ending and use for the dance sequence I mentioned earlier. The only thing that needs to be added is add some kind of disease to spice things up. Now this virus is highly contagious and often makes two rival dance crews battle it out for survival in a post apocalyptic subway station. The virus begins by forcing you to look like a fucking idiot in front of millions of people and the scene should start with a shot of where the music comes from. This could easily done by showing someone constantly hitting their head on a garbage can and uttering gibberish until the virus has killed the their chances of ever having an decent acting career. In my opinion this small addition would make more sense than a sudden and unnecessary jump into a bollywood style dance sequence. With this, it may be Oscar worthy after all.

I now present the new and improved ending to Slumdog Millionaire in all its glory, enjoy.